MOVED

Dear readers, 

I know this is annoying but I've moved to a new blog URL(again)! I figured if I really want a fresh start, I might as well start over with everything.  I don't want to remember the feelings I used to have or the thoughts I used to think about. I will start afresh. I will believe that things can definitely become better. I will ride with the wind because it's the only way I'm going to get better. 

URL's on my Instagram!

With love, Venessa. 

Short Getaway: Batam

Many changes have happened since I last blogged. It scares me because I don't remember the same Venessa that wrote every other post. The funniest thing in my life is that change is the only constant. I'm not good with change but I embrace it anyway. I mean, what else can I really do?

I had the luck to take a breather from my life here in Singapore for a two day trip to Batam. It was really needed and I had a great time.

Day One, 9 August 2013.
We woke up really early to grab some yummy breakfast before heading to Harbourfront to board our ferry. The crowd was like whoa. I actually felt really weird leaving my country on National Day. This weird feeling made me feel so patriotic. (Haha)

So this is my ferry: Island Jade. 

When we arrived, we met a really amazing taxi driver named Ewan. God really blessed us by sending him to us. He chauffeured us for the entire two days. Brought us to the best places and never asked for commission unlike the other taxi drivers. Such honesty and sincerity really is rare these days. And I really like him because he's just so simple and humble. 

Check in was at 12 so Ewan took us to the Nagoya Hill Mall where we had our breakfast part two and lunch. And we also did a wee bit of shopping! 

 Ayam Penyet for Breakfast Part 2!

 My new pair of shades which Mummy claims suits me. (I honestly don't fancy aviators)

 Beef Bakso for Lunch.

My excitement which is not properly expressed when I got my A&W curly fries!!!!!! 

Ewan came to get us from Nagoya to King's Hotel and to our surprise, King's Hotel is situated on a hill. It isnt complete yet and they only just opened 40 rooms a month ago. Looking at the place from the taxi really shocked me! It's as though a rain would be able to cause the entire hotel to landslide down the hill. But it was pretty and the people there were so nice! The room wasnt ready so we went to chill at the restaurant! Oh we also took some pictures at the lobby~

 THE HILL. The picture doesnt show much... But it really was scary! 

My Mango Juice was sooooooo yummy. And I love the cherry on the glass. 

 My lovely chauffeur Ewan! Such a sweetie pie. 

The room is pretty simple! But the BED is the most comfortable thing I've ever laid on. So we chilled awhile but since Ewan was waiting so we scurried off to our next destination. We were gonna go GO-KARTING. But it started to rain and I wasn't going to let myself have another round of being sick and ill and useless so I decided nah. Sissie and Silvia had a good time though! 

We shopped here and spent like ONE MILLION.......... (wait for it) Rupiah. Haha. I just had to say that.  

We went for an amazing seafood dinner with Cereal Prawns, Chilli Crab, Steamed Crab, Sambal KangKong and THIS GIGANTIC LOBSTER! 

Ewan then brought us for some street food! Best stuff ever! I really feel that street food is a necessity when you go overseas. Restaurants are just too mainstream. Street food stalls always sell the best stuff.

 All shocked by the price. It's so cheap! Like 10 pieces for a dollar? Ridiculously awesome!

THIS IS REALLY THE BOMB GUYS. I TOOK A VIDEO! I will find a way to upload it... 

 Yeah... Fried Bananas. Goreng Pisang~

 Picture with the legendary shop. Okay, I'm starting to sound like a mega fan girl. 

 Sissie and I! Awkward face~

THE FIRST BITE SAYS IT ALL. CAN YOU SEE IT! 

 If you all ever go to Batam, VISIT THIS PLACE! :)

 Crazy things I do with my camera when Mummy was showering. 

Sissie and Silvia came over to eat this yummy stuff. I had an immediate sore throat! Just look at it. Fried Bananas topped with chocolate sauce, condensed milk, sugar and CHEESE. 

Even though I wasn't in SG, BATAM TOO had fireworks! :)

Went to bed soon after that. I had such a tough time falling asleep thanks to my snoring mother. But I fell asleep anyway since the bed was so nice and comfy! 

Day Two, 10 August 2013

Woke up like a happy girl because I didn't wake up to any alarm. Had breakfast buffet at the hotel! 

Went back into our rooms to pack and then we checked out! 

Bye King's hotel! Hope to see you fully completed the next time I come back to Batam! Their tagline is "Where Kings and Queens stay" HAHA. 

Ewan took us to Nagoya again and we shopped and ate before going for a 2.5 hour long massage/spa. And then we went back! (I'm so lazy to blog so I'll let the pictures do the talking)

 This cute young guy was such a pro! I love getting such stuff from foreign lands! 

 How nice to see my name personalized on something! Usually it's just VANESSA. I don't know why but I really appreciate it when people spell my name right. 

 GO TO THIS PLACE FOR THE BEST 2.5 HOUR MASSAGE OF YOUR LIFE. It's not THAT cheap actually. 85 per person! But if in SG, it'd be like 300 or something. 

 Heeheeeee my dinner. The only thing I thought of when we came to Batam was "I NEED TO HAVE A&W" 

 Advertising~ We slouch the same way haha this is ridiculous. 

 Family photo! Girly time! Without the brother! YAY. 

That's all folks! Time to study for my finals! Wish me luck! :)

Under the weather.

Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I was sick.

This time it feels terrible. In the past I used to love being sick because I get to skip school and rest at home and watch my drama instead of having to study and be at school. Now that I love school, falling sick really is driving me crazy. I really need it to go away. I cannot stand being unproductive. I cannot stand being lazy and just not doing anything.

But I guess this is God's way of telling me, "Time out Venessa." Take a break. Breathe.

But then, people are like.. Constantly pressurizing me. Like I MUST GO TO SCHOOL even when I am this sick or I MUST GO TO CHURCH. I don't like feeling this way.

Dear God, help me. Save me. Cure me.

Migraine.

I'm stuck doing Viva.

My head is fuzzy. My entire face hurts thanks to my 4 growing wisdom teeth. Scheduled for the dentist on 3rd of August which means another half a month of pain. The sinus aggravates everything.

Dear God, show me. Enlighten me. Guide me.

Where should I begin?

Someone asked me to write about something.

Write. That's easy isn't it? Isn't that what I am always inclined to do when my head and my heart is in a mess? Isn't that what I always do when I feel like my life is losing direction? Isn't that what I always do just because I enjoy doing it?

Write. This verb seems to encompass so much more than just placing a pen tip on a piece of parchment. It's taking all of me and placing myself just bare and open using words. Even my handwriting just say so much about me.

Today, I am happy. I never knew that I would be this happy. Yet, the strangest thing is, I cannot find anyone else to share this joy with me. Because if I do try, it would mean starting from square one. It would mean going through all the processes of how I became who I am today. But I guess that's alright now. What really matters? Nothing really matters to be honest.

I'm very proud of you, of me. And I don't know how am I going to feel when I see you when I see you, but I'll remember this.

I've been stuck in guilt and sorrow for way too long. I have tried to convince myself that I believe God has forgiven me. But in actual fact, I haven't let myself believe that. And I haven't forgiven myself. And I haven't stopped, for a single day, putting blame on myself(such a middle child thing). Nonetheless, I guess the journey from here on would be one of brightness. One of courage. Uncle Weekiong said last night that it takes courage to be humble and vulnerable.

I think this is the most courageous I have been in my life.

Gratitude.

Things I am thankful for within the first half hour of my day:

1. I had a sweet dream which equates to me sleeping really well.
2. My brother sacrificing to wake up earlier to shower so that his lazy sisters can sleep in for that extra few minutes.
3. My favourite cardigan is finally dry from washing!
4. The scent of Victoria Secret's Bombshell.
5. Having Starbucks' Cinnamon Raisin Bagel as my breakfast.
6. Knowing that I won't have a heavy bag to bring today.
7. Sitting in sissie's car even though most of the ride was spent in silence.
8. Knowing bits and pieces about people while scrolling through Instagram.
9. Seeing the pictures I posted yesterday and reminded of how much gratitude I felt.
10. Feeling the warmth of the Sun.
11. Getting a seat on the bus
12. Reading what God intended to tell me for me to get through the day.
13. My favourite songs playing even though my phone's on shuffle.
14. Thinking about the kids at House of kids and missing them so badly.
15. Blogging.

Thank you Lord.

Everything has changed.

You once quoted from somewhere,
"We don't do nothing to get saved, we fight to get saved."

Then you said, likewise it can be applied to;
"We don't do nothing to get happiness, we fight for our happiness."

This is me, fighting.